Why do most Americans leave their old family members in nursing homes or just avoid their parents in general

Most Americans don’t. It’s too expensive. There are a few reasons why it becomes necessary:

·         Most older people have very fixed opinions about how things should be that they first formed in their youth when the world was different. Hey, the world has changed! Trying to force your grown children or grandchildren to live in a world that doesn’t exist anymore can be just annoying, or it can be totally offensive. If the old folks can’t stop trying to run their adult children’s lives, they are not likely to be fondly embraced. Keep in mind that the world is changing much faster than it has in the past. Humans were never evolved to adapt to change this fast - the majority of learning takes place in childhood - it’s difficult to learn new ways of life after childhood. Older people can become an intolerable burden on their adult children. Some older people can have a very destructive influence on their grandchildren.

·         The multigenerational family propagages “family games” down the generations. Co-dependencies and enablements are taught to each new generation of children. This is how abuse (sexual, physical, and emotional) is passed down through the generations. Each new generation is taught to play a specific “role” in the family games. Often the only way to break the patterns of family games is to isolate the older game players away from the children.

·         At some point, many older folks have severe health problems. When this happens, children are faced with deciding whether it is better to place them in a facility that can care for them and preserve their lives for a little longer, or whether it is better to let them live with family and die a little sooner. Americans have been trained by their society to prolong life, even if it means prolonging suffering. We Americans are really cruel when it comes to suffering instead of being allowed to die.

        Refer: Tayoh Dey

·